Do you like how my post title was inspired by a movie? I’ve never seen the movie, of course, but hey, I did a movie reference. Yea, me.
“Yea, me” isn’t something I’ve been saying a whole lot lately though. In fact, my internal dialogue has been beating me the hell up this week. Nothing that I do seems to be good enough for me.
I look too old.
I’m too fat.
I’m not a good mom.
I’m not good at my job.
My skin is terrible.
I’m bad with finances.
Ugh. I just can’t stop it. It’s on a loop lately.
I think what happens is this:
I get stressed out and things that normally run smoothly don’t run so well anymore. I’m overloaded with things to do, I’m tired from stress, my mind is focused on fixing issues and the things I would be able to normally do well, I can’t do as well. Other things take up my mental energy. And since I can’t do things at 100%, I start beating myself up about it.
But to make matters worse, I choose behaviors to reinforce the mental dialogue.
I skipped my runs this week.
I’ve been binge eating.
I stayed in the same clothes for 48 hours.
I haven’t been doing the things on my daily To Do lists.
It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy when I focus on negative things. I manifest them in myself.
I’ve had enough of it now. It’s time to get back on track. And to go easy on myself. It’s been a helluva week.
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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
You guys have been through, A LOT. We all need a week off now and then. The good thing is that you recognize the behavior and know how to get back on track. It’s easy for a commenter to say that, I know.
Take baby steps. Get things accomplished and mark them off your list so you know you’re doing something. You’re fine!
♬ ♪ “Self-loathing is quaint,” you told me showing restraint. Now you’re gone, and I’m lost. In the swells, I am tossed. Bobbing and choking and losing the fight in the fog. ♪ ♫
☛ Kam´s last blog post: If Spring Break Were Tomorrow, It Wouldn’t Be Soon Enough
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This comes at such an appropriate time. I’ve been in the same mind set… in regards to blogging and life. I don’t have anything interesting to say. Why would people want to read what I write? Its so self indulgent. I need to start managing my money and budgeting. I’ll never be able to save money. I need to lose weight. I’ll never be successful at dieting. This is the tape that plays in my head….
I read an interesting article about depression recently that talked about the most obvious sign of it is “rumination”- thoughts that are negative, and just go in circular motion. Rumination. That’s the problem. It’s the perfect word.
I don’t have any good advice for you, except I hear ya.
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Shannon Reply:
March 11th, 2010 at 8:12 pm
You’re a girl after my own heart. I think that article was from NPR. I’ve been telling everybody I’m ruminating too. It’s what I do.
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Monday is a new week. You sound like I did last September, just down and feeling like a loser. It sucks, but you will snap out of it.
I upped my meds. It helped.
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sorry you’ve had a crummy week. but thank you for your honesty. we can be our own worst enemy sometimes, eh? sometimes when i am uber low and having a hard time training my brain to think in a more healthy manner, i come up with a list of things i’m thankful for…it helps.
today i am thankful for, of course, Wilder and Shawn, and naps and girl scout cookies. you?
☛ Mindy Harris´s last blog post: Tidbits from our week
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Shannon Reply:
March 12th, 2010 at 5:22 pm
I did a grateful list last week. I’m really good at it…normally. This month has just been really HARD so it’s a harder exercise to do.
I will also be grateful for the dozen boxes of Girl Scout Cookies that we’ll have when we get to Wichita tomorrow. MMmmmm.
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You are a strong person. I know I would not be able to handle things as well as you have. It’s ok to vent, feel down, get frustrated, and depressed. You are only human. Things are looking up and life will get back on track for you. I know how busy and stressed things are so I have tried to give you space, but if you want to talk just call me. I am not a phone person, but I will be for you
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Nothing I can say which hasn’t already been said, except I completely know how you feel. I am constantly second guessing my actions and I know it is because I am lacking a true balance of things (personal, professional, selfish reflection, family, etc.). I have so much going on, I just can’t seem to do anything right at 100% and I don’t take that well at all. I hope next week is better for both of us. Good luck with the moving!!
☛ Emily´s last blog post: Just kind of cute!
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BLAH! I always get like this end of February and into March if the weather is shitty.
It’s easy to get overwhelmed and then let everything else fall behind because you just don’t want to do anything anymore because everything sucks. I go to that place a lot.
Tony told me something a long time ago that has always stuck with me: “get done the “have-to-dos” and skip the “want/need to dos”. There’s no use wasting time worrying and pulling your hair out over cleaning the basement, straightening the bedroom, folding laundry, or cleaning the kitchen when people need to eat, you have a paper due the next day and you need to stay sane. Do what you have to, and save the rest for another time. It’s part of being an adult.”
You might already know that, but I always remind myself when I feel like I need to smoke a lot of pot to be normal.
Thinking bout you.
XX
☛ Sass´s last blog post: Holy Packing.
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Just remember.. You are loved.
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Know this feeling all too well. Especially lately. I have to remind myself that I’m not Super-Mom or Super-Wife or Super-Employee. I’m just a regular person who does the best that she can. And that should be good enough.
Hope this week is better for you!
☛ Sara´s last blog post: More pics
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I’ve got so much going on in mt hear right now that I could add 1,000 words to this entry just commiserating with you. Instead I’ll simply say, You’re Not Alone! and, once you get back, get settled down, and get a chance, let’s schedule a girls dinner / cocktails. I haven’t done that in forever and think it’s be just about awesome with you and maybe Jen.
Congrats on getting the house off your plate!
☛ Lisa Magee´s last blog post: “Life will not break your heart, it will crush it.” ~Henry Rollins
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